For this reason, an extremely sensitive Andromedan space telescope has been directed to an area between the Ionian and Aegean nebulae in the Milky Way, where teams of astrophysicists are observing a total of almost 10 million registered civilizations. Also, a rather ungainly and obtrusive sensor is tethered to an IMF space station in stationary orbit around Athens, the ailing galaxy's home planet (see photo). The sensor gathers key scientific data, beeping annoyingly when it finds results are incomplete or not to its liking.
The Andromeda Galaxy, founded in 1814 as a loose league of 39 billion solar systems, is staunchly advocating its position regarding the Milky Way's different rotation curve. Though the Milky Way and the Andromeda Galaxy are both spiral galaxies, the economic powerhouse which is the Andromeda galaxy exhibits an unusually flat rotation curve. This means that its stars rotate at the same speed regardless of their distance from the galaxy's center. On the other hand, our own Milky Way has a downward sloped rotation curve. Thus, stars away from our galaxy's center naturally rotate at a slower and, consequently less productive rate, as any evening repose in a Milky Way vacation planet will attest to.
The team of Andromedan astrophysicists attributed this marked difference to the existence of an Austerity particle which they have also coincidentally discovered. The Austerity particle is found in abundance in the Andromeda galaxy and in other northern galaxies of the Local Euro Group cluster. Much to Andromedan scientists' satisfaction, the particle's immense gravitational effect keeps stars rotating around galaxy centers quickly and efficiently, albeit in an alarmingly tedious manner. Escape from this marked tediousness is in fact the reason why, every galactic summer, space tourists from the Andromeda Galaxy and the Local Euro Group in general, flock down south to our Milky Way.
Nevertheless, Andromedan astrophysicists maintain that the absence of the Austerity particle in the Milky Way hinders the galaxy's rotation, rendering the upcoming collision problematic. To rectify the situation, Andromedan Austerity particle generators have been shipped to various areas in the Milky Way and have begun producing vast quantities of the particle.
This has led to the creation of a rift between hard-lined and centrist astrophysicists in the Milky Way. As a result, a series of ideologically opposing computer models concerning the future of the Milky Way are now competing for acceptance within the galaxy.
At the risk of leaving the Local Euro Group galaxy cluster altogether, many hardline astrophysicists maintain that Austerity particle generation must cease immediately. Furthermore, hardliners advocate a radical shift in the galaxy's trajectory hard left or right so as to avoid a direct and, in their words, catastrophic collision with the heavily austere Andromeda galaxy.
Hardliner models show that by avoiding the collision, a galactic utopia for 99% of solar systems will be reattained sooner – or maybe even much later, as they are not really sure when. For all their vagueness, hardline astrophysicist theories have gained popularity by calling for the demise of a repugnant 1% of Milky Way solar systems that sided with Andromeda – solar systems such as Brylcreem Centauri and Hedge Fund Minor.
Meanwhile Centrist astrophysicists have lost both credibility and support by having to accept that they were in fact blind as a bat when it came to basic Newtonian physics. Centrists have been forced to ditch their “Optimistic Galactic Integration Model” as the collision was previously called, in favor for a new model called “We Think We Know What To Do This Time So Trust Us You'll Be Fine”.
As the adverse effects from the introduction of the Austerity particle are beginning to be felt throughout the Milky Way galaxy, centrists are finding it difficult to drum up public support. Nevertheless, centrists urge Milky Way voters to embrace, in their words, further intergalactic integration. They also warn that a safe trajectory shift is now all but impossible and that gravitational forces from a glancing blow with the much larger Andromeda galaxy will cause the Milky Way to be ripped apart. In the aftermath, most solar systems in the Milky Way will find themselves drifting aimlessly through space, damned for all of eternity – which is bad, m'kay?
One thing is certain – when the space dust settles late in the night of June 17th, the inhabitants of up to one and a half trillion star systems in the Milky Way and Andromeda galaxies will have a better understanding concerning their fate. In the likelihood that a Milky Way government once again does not form, there is no hurry – we still have a few billion years ahead of us for astrophysicists of all political denominations and galactic origins to ponder their next move. No rush. Really.
Author's note: In reality, the Milky Way exhibits a flatter rotation curve than Andromeda and scientists attribute this fact to the existence of more dark matter in our own galaxy. For more on dark matter and galaxy rotation, read the Galaxy Rotation Curve Wiki. For more on the Greek elections, stay tuned.
To continue reading, login or sign up for The Greek Star:
Leave your comments